Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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