do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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