I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
