we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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