yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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