just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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