In America we eat man semen.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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