no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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