whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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