Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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