Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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