after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
