And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
