my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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