im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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