My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
