i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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