im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
