This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
