Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
