so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
