I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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