Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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