I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My vagina just clenched in fear
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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