Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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