happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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