just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
