dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
