its not stalking. its research.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
