I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
