Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
