The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
