Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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