Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
