If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
