If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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