the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You ruined the universe
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
