i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have post one night stand depression
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