Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
