he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
