I want to have your abortion
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
