so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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