So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
