Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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