Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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