I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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