What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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