my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize