Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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