I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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