You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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