OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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