is your mom at the bar?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
