My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
