I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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