i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.