From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
