Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
