Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
