Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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