When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
